


flux

by DaryanCrescend



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Graduation Anxiety, Hasumi Keito & Kiryuu Kuro (friendship), Hibiki Wataru & Sakuma Rei (friendship), Hibiki Wataru/Eichi Tenshouin, Hinted NatsuMugi, Kiryuu Kuro/Nito Nazuna, M/M, Sena Izumi /Tsukinaga Leo, Unresolved Sexual Tension, platonic Oddball snuggling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-03 08:51:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12745032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaryanCrescend/pseuds/DaryanCrescend
Summary: You can't run from the passage of time, graduation is approaching fast and Rei and Keito have unfinished business.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one shot but it ran away with me, I'm looking at four chapters maybe more because this ship grabbed me by the heartstrings and won't let go.  
> Side ships are mostly subtle but I tagged for them in additional tags in case they're reader deal breakers

The air is cold and crisp, stars twinkling brightly in the night sky and Rei is glad he thought to put a coat and scarf over his sleep clothing. He can't sleep, be it due to the night or the thought that this is the last trip they'll go on as a class or as a year group and graduation is looming ever closer. It makes him feel sick to think about the future, the great wide unknown, of what he's supposed to do next and he has no idea, he had a plan, but it's been crumpled under so many people's boots it's made him uncertain he can achieve it.

The roof creaks with the noise of somebody else climbing through the window but Rei doesn't look around, it's likely just a class mate, he doesn't think a teacher would climb out, merely scold him from safety.

"You realise the roof is out of bounds?"

Rei doesn't have to turn to know who that voice belongs to. "Shouldn't you be tucked up in bed at this hour, Hasumi?"

"I was getting a drink and noticed two empty futons," Keito confesses, making his way cautiously down to the edge where Rei is sat, "you left the door wide open, I thought I should come and remind you we have a curfew before somebody else does."

"Are you going to give me a formal write up?" Rei asks with a chuckle that seems lacking in warmth or real mirth. "Be a good Vice President and all that." Somebody else must have left the dorm after he did because he swears he remembers shutting it.

"I handed my duties over already, I can report you to Isara if you truly desire a slap on the wrist for misconduct," Keito retorts, gingerly settling himself a short distance from Rei.

"You think that's all I'll get?" Rei asks with a snort, Mao is a good kid and Rei is sure he'll take his duties seriously.

"Anything more serious and he'll risk having both you and your brother in the same school year, he won't do that to himself," Keito rubs the bridge of his nose.

"Ah yes, Ritsu can't wait to get rid of me," there's a hint of bitterness in Rei's voice, he wishes they could have truly made up before he has to leave.

"So he says, but he has a certain family proclivity for saying one thing and meaning the opposite," Keito sounds almost sympathetic.

Rei feels called out, it isn't as though he means to lie, sometimes it's just easier to twist the truth or say whatever the person listening wants to hear. "Did you want something from me? It isn't like you to break the rules."

Keito doesn't reply, instead looking down and rubbing his hands together, he only has a sweater over his pyjamas so it's clear he didn't intend to sit out in the cold.

In the silence Rei finds himself fostering a very faint glimmer of hope that maybe Keito wants to spend time with him, he tries to squash it down to no avail, he's always been a fool for the junior and found letting him go far harder than he'd ever like to admit.

"Nothing really," Keito says finally, "just, you seemed quiet today."

Rei has to bite back 'I'm often quiet these days' and 'I'm surprised you noticed' because they will sound like accusations and he can't bring himself to cause a fight on purpose. 

"I'm just tired," it's an honest enough answer without going into detail, he hasn't told anybody that he's scared that he isn't good enough, doesn't want to worry his friends, or worse hear that he's being ridiculous. If all his fight is truly gone then Eichi has won, he can't admit that he has allowed that to happen out loud, even though he's sure that to some it's obvious.

"Maybe you should try sleeping at night instead of freezing yourself on the roof," Keito says shoving his hands into his pockets.

Rei has to stop himself from immediately offering his coat or scarf, "You assume that hadn't occurred to me and that I haven't tried." Besides Keito is a hypocrite, acting as if Rei doesn't know that he downs all those toxic energy drinks as a substitute for a decent nights sleep.

They lapse back into uncomfortable silence, and Rei thinks that it's too beautiful a night to be sat there awkward and cold, especially when there was a time where they would have been wrapped in each other's arms finding constellations and discussing myths and stories. Rei misses that, it's a physical longing that feels like an empty aching hole in his chest, it traps the oxygen in his lungs and when he finally figures out how to let go it fans out in a cloud.

He has tried to heal the wound, maybe he let it fester too long while running away from having to deal with the pain, or when he lay in bed for nearly a straight month of school holiday because getting up felt too monumental a task. Maybe it will never be something he can mend, they say your first heartbreak is often the worst, but coming in on the tail end of the utter destruction of his dreams and everything he held dear had maybe magnified it.

"You're worrying the people who care about you," Keito says finally, he has his knees pulled to his chest, arms folded on them, so like when they were younger.

Rei looks away, can't meet his eyes, 'the people who care about you' detached, like he's not longer one of them. Because he isn't, idiot. Rei swallows past the lump in his throat. "And how is that information you've managed to be privy to exactly?"

Keito sighs and drags a hand through his hair, "I overheard a conversation between Isara and your brother."

Damn Ritsu for dropping him in it, Rei had thought that he could attribute his late night piano playing to getting more serious about his music now he's on the verge of graduation but clearly not. "Well I'm fine," a direct lie but he doesn't owe Keito an explanation about his current headspace.

"You don't have to talk to me, but you should talk to somebody," there's a hint of exasperation in Keito's tone.

"Thank you for caring but as I said, I'm fine," Rei retorts curtly, he doesn't want to do this or to have this fight, he's been avoiding it all year and it seemed like Keito would too.

Keito sighs and stands up, "well now that's settled get down from the damn roof, Sakuma, you know it's out of bounds."

Rei listens to him climb back up and in through the window and he wants to say something, to tell him to come back, but he can't bring himself to do it. It feels colder now he's on his own. 

He's tired of it, as much as he's dreading being cast adrift he's almost looking forward to an end to the drama of it all. Or maybe he just needs to sleep. 

Rei stands, looks up at the sky, Ritsu's favourite constellation glimmers above him, he'll apologise for worrying him in the morning.

He's half way back through the window before he sees Keito leant against the wall with his arms folded. "Waiting to see if I decided to behave?" Rei asks, raising an eyebrow and stepping across the narrow corridor, it somehow manages to simultaneously feed the tiny glimmer of hope that Keito still cares and irritate him.

"Something like that," Keito mumbles shrinking back.

"Making sure I wouldn't jump?" Rei suggests, even though he wouldn't, and if he tried he could probably land it without serious injury anyway.

Keito glares over the top of his glasses and shoves him, it doesn't make much impact, he's still not particularly strong but Rei catches his hands anyway. 

"You're not funny!" He doesn't pull his hands away.

"I wasn't trying to be," Rei doesn't let go. 

Until he does and they meet somewhere in the middle. Keito's hands on the lapels of Reis coat, Rei's arms around Keito's waist, bodies pressed flush against each other. It isn't a tender kiss, it's hungry and desperate, the tension they've both steadfastly ignored getting the better of them.

And then it's over and Rei struggles to suck breath into his lungs. A weaker man would pull Keito straight into the nearest unoccupied place with a door but even though the spark has taken hold and lit a fire in his chest and he's been waiting to actually kiss him for what feels like an eternity he steps back. "We should go to bed."

Keito looks slightly scandalised but not uninterested and Rei's heart hits his rib cage so hard it's physically painful but it's a horrible, awful, terrible idea.

"Separately." Rei adds.

Keito shows a moment of disappointment and then Rei watches as he pulls himself back together and nods. "Good night, Sakuma."

"Night," Rei replies watching him retreat down the hall. His heart is still pounding and he really needs his body to start properly distributing his blood again. God. He's so fucked.

 

Rei isn't entirely surprised when a few hours of tossing and turning later his covers slide back and he's accosted by a great deal of hair and freezing cold hands.

"Can you not sleep either?" Rei asked shuffling to accommodate a second person on the single futon.

"I could feel your restlessness from across the room," Wataru admits, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair back from Rei's cheek.

"Sorry, it's been a weird night," Rei admits bringing a hand up to rest on Wataru's arm. It's miraculous how quiet he can be when he needs to considering how loud he is generally.

"I think they may have overlooked how awkward going ahead with the usual third year trip might be for everyone this year," Wataru muses, breath fanning over Rei's face with how squashed they are.

Rei has been distinctly aware of how he hadn't thought about how seeing Kiryu and Nito being as close as they've gotten, probably due to being stuck in 3B with a bunch of weirdos, might affect Shu or how Kanata would possibly spend the whole time possessively glued to Morisawa's side. Not until they had gotten there and it was happening. "That's what happens when there's this much water under the bridge," Rei has tried not to allow it to bother him that he's suddenly noticing what having been a year ahead or not around has done to his own friendships.

"It's..." Wataru gestures, gets his hand caught in his hair and sighs deeply, "I miss Nakkun."

So does Rei. Natsume knows too well the horrible dilemma of having kissed somebody you knew it was a bad idea to kiss and having to deal with the stupid ways in which your heart reacts afterwards. He nods.

"Would you like to talk about it? Or am I..?" Wataru hesitates like he's choosing between saying 'the enemy' and 'the wrong person'.

Rei hates this, "You aren't and never have been my enemy, you chose your own happiness and I respect it," he assures his friend. And maybe he's not the wrong person either, at least Wataru has no grounds to tell him off for being reckless with his heart.

"Then go ahead, I swear not to tell another soul as long as I live!" Wataru declares and Rei lifts a finger to his lips, he could do with their classmates remaining asleep if he's going to confess.

"I was minding my own business, admittedly on the roof,"

Wataru shakes with a repressed laugh.

"And Hasumi came up to tell me off, but then he asked if I'm okay and I swear we cannot be left alone for five minutes without fighting these days." Is he really going to admit it? There's an anxious fluttering in the pit of Rei's stomach.

"Hard not to," Wataru replies with as much of a shrug as he can while lying down. It's no secret that they don't get on, though probably more on Keito's end than Wataru's, Wataru isn't particularly confrontational.

"Naturally I don't feel any inclination to discuss my feelings with him, so he told me to go to bed and left but when I climbed back in he was still in the hall, I was cold though, I didn't come back because I was told to..." He's stalling. Saying it will make it real and he won't be able to take it back. "I kissed him, or he kissed me, I'm not even sure and I didn't drag him into the nearest closet and I can't decide if I'm sensible or a complete idiot for that and I feel horrendous."

Wataru doesn't say anything, just pulls Rei into a bone crushing hug.

"I don't know how Nakkun deals with all these horrible emotions at once," Rei mutters into Wataru's chest.

"If I recall correctly, last time he set four books on fire," Wataru replies petting his hair.

"Wish I was still young and irresponsible enough to do the same, I'd burn the entire of Bleach in front of him," Rei grumbles, allowing himself a modicum of the bratty childishness he used to indulge in before being forced to grow out of it.

"You'd have every right to," Wataru buries his face in Rei's hair, "I'd help."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to make you all wait a week for this but I'm going to a con this weekend so you get it now.  
> I have tried to do as much editing and checking as possible but I wrote the whole thing on my phone and sometimes autocorrect is evil so if there's mistakes or just totally the wrong word please tell me so I can fix it.

Keito wakes up feeling groggy and disoriented. Considering that he was still awake past midnight he feels like it's very unfair that only one other person seems to have awoken, then again it's entirely possible that Sena has just snuck into the 3B room instead, Kanata Shinkai has certainly pulled a room switch during the night. It makes sense that Rei wasn't the one who left the door open, it isn't like him to have been that reckless.

The previous night feels like a fever dream, the kiss... surely he didn't really do that? It's been years of holding back, battling through all the teenage hormones when they were screaming at him to make a move, to flirt back. Keito isn't altogether surprised that he cracked, just that once he did he was totally prepared to drag Rei into the supply cupboard like some kind of filthy pervert. He needs to shower.

Keito checks his watch, it's just before six, he's used to running on less than five hours sleep but it doesn't mean he's going to enjoy it, he supposes he could go back to sleep for half an hour but he probably won't, so he gets up, gathers his things and heads to the shower to scrub the memory of Rei's touch from his body.

 

By the time he's finished and dressed it seems that everyone else has gotten up because there's an awful commotion going on in the hall.

"What's going on?" Keito asks stepping out into the fray.

"Somebody left a window open and a pigeon got in," Kuro explains chuckling.

Keito mentally curses both himself and Rei for getting too distracted by each other to think to close the window of the guest house. A flush rises to his cheeks at the memory of it.

"You okay boss?" Kuro asks frowning at him.

"Didn't sleep well," Keito replies, maybe he'll tell him what happened later, there are more pressing matters at hand. "What's being done about the bird?"

"Everybody get back and quiet down, you're scaring it!" The commanding tone of Yumenosaki's former emperor rings out across the din.

Keito watches at Wataru steps forward, cooing at the creature and trying to coax it back towards one of the windows. Keito wants to curse the damn thing, if it had stayed on the next floor up he would have probably been able to get away with staying away from Rei but as it is Rei has stepped back right next to him and he can feel his face burning again.

"Am I required to take the fall for this?" Rei asks in a low murmur.

Keito thinks about it but that would mean admitting he caught him breaking curfew and going out of bounds, "not if we can help it," he replies before inching away.

"That thing probably has diseases," Sena pipes up.

Keito looks back up to see the pigeon resting on Wataru's arm and Leo petting it.

"Look Sena, she likes me! I love her!" Leo seems in high spirits at least.

It's going to be a long day if he has to deal with 3B all day, even if he does consider Leo a friend.

"Yes, she's lovely, let her out the window," Eichi sighs stepping forward and gesturing to the window, "no you cannot keep her, you already have a bird."

Keito has seen enough and at least if Eichi is busy trying to convince that ridiculous boy that he can't just adopt a wild pigeon he might get away with not being questioned by him too. He slips away into the dorm to put his bag away and thinks that maybe the slip up was a blessing until the door clicks shut.

"Normally that woulda given you an aneurism," Kuro says quietly, "something on your mind?" 

Keito sighs. He doesn't really want to admit to what he did but Kuro is his friend, unlikely as it may seem, and he might at least be sympathetic enough to help Keito in his plan to stay as far away from Rei as possible. "I did something irresponsible last night."

"Did you let the pigeon in?" Kuro asks frowning.

"I was definitely part of the reason it got in, but that wasn't the worst part," Keito flops down on the futon and gestures for Kuro to join him. "I was... It was stupid of me."

"Does it have something to do with how many people snuck outta our dorm last night?" Kuro asks settling into the spot Keito indicated.

"One of them, yes, Shinkai was in here when I got back," Keito replies nudging his glasses out of the way and rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Makes sense, so, Sakuma? And what does it have to do with the pigeon?" Kuro frowns and then looks slightly scandalised, "what did you do?"

"I was just going to get a glass of water but people were obviously out of their beds and I'd noticed he's been a little... off and I thought I'd check the roof because I know he had a tendency to hide up there when he lived at home," Keito is stalling and he knows it.

"Wait, before you go on, what else did you see?" Kuro asks concern washing over his face.

Keito certainly wouldn't sell him out for having been in bed with another boy, firstly he has no right to judge and secondly they're friends. "Nothing I wouldn't consider completely innocent."

Kuro breathes a sigh of relief, "so you and Sakuma on the roof?"

"We talked, well, argued, I think something is bothering him but... he barely told me about that sort of thing when we were friends and clearly has no intention of doing so now," Not to mention that whatever is troubling Rei is likely partially his fault, "and I told him to get down off the roof and left but I didn't want him to get in trouble so I waited to make sure he did come down and he did and then he was making stupid comments," the memory of Rei grabbing his hands and what happened afterwards makes him flush with shame, "I kissed him."

"And..?" Kuro prompts.

"He stopped it, we said good night and I slept terribly," Keito explains. He doesn't mention the part where it could have been more or the way Rei had dragged him close, or the stinging from a fang on his bottom lip.

Kuro is quiet for a moment and then nudges Keito with his elbow, "Least you didn't get deflowered in a bathroom?"

"I think I would have said yes to that if he hadn't stopped it," Keito groans hiding his face in his hands.

He's excused from the shame of that by the Knights third years bursting into the room. "It'll dry on its own!" Leo protests and Keito looks up to see Leo, fully dressed with dripping wet hair.

"You'll catch a cold, dry your hair!" Sena demands, hands on hips like a fussy mother.

"He made me shower all the "pigeon germs" off even though I only touched it with one hand!" Leo explains as if Keito is likely to have any sympathy at all.

"And because you stunk," Sena adds shoving Leo over to the mirror where there's a hair dryer already plugged in to the socket.

"Did not stink," Leo grouses letting himself be sat down and have his hair dried.

Keito should have maybe done that, his hair is nearly dry anyway though.

"You okay?" Kuro asks just quietly enough that the other two won't hear over the noise of the dryer and Leo complaining that Sena and "Tenshi" are mean for not allowing anybody to adopt the bird.

Keito shrugs, he's not really sure, but it doesn't matter, the damage is done and now all he can do is deal with it.

"You coming to breakfast?" Kuro asks once Sena is done drying Leo's hair and Keito has finished wiping the smears from covering his face with his hands off his glasses.

He receives an affirmative from both Leo and Keito and an "I already ate." from Sena, followed by "no you didn't, don't tell lies Sena, come to breakfast!" from Leo.

 

As much as he feels sick and has the beginnings of a headache Keito actually ends up pretty thankful that Leo has decided to accompany them to breakfast, he makes so much noise and idle chatter that Keito can avoid talking and focus on his toast and he's not the only one at the table who's apparently not got enough on their breakfast tray. 

Both Sena and Kuro had spotted Nazuna sat alone at a corner table "reading" an upsidown book and decided to join him. It's an odd mix of people but seems to work.

He's still on edge though, for a start Rei is at the furthest table from theirs and he's surrounded by the other Oddballs. Hibiki tucked tightly against his side, Shinkai on the other and he seems to be holding Itsuki's hand across the table. Keito hopes that Rei might actually have taken the advice to talk to someone about what has been bothering him and he really hopes that he hasn't told every single one of them about the kiss. Especially Hibiki. Keito isn't sure why he's so against the idea of Eichi finding out, but his chest constricts with anxiety whenever he thinks about it.

It's not like Eichi didn't know that there was something more than friendship between them, it is, and it took Keito a while to allow himself to believe it, probably a large part of why Eichi had been jealous of Rei back then. Keito wishes he could turn back the clock and tell his younger self 'look I know you think you're in love with him and this is a sign that he loves you back but he doesn't or he won't as soon as he gets a better offer and he's just being a brat' but unfortunately he can't. He should have known that as soon as Eichi got what he wanted (power and also Hibiki) he would be firmly reminded that they're just friends.

He doesn't really blame him, he's not even angry anymore, and Eichi has been trying to be better and he's genuinely happy, Keito can't begrudge him that. He feels more sorry for Tsumugi who is sat alone reading because he has no real friends left in their year than himself. But that doesn't mean he wants to ever talk to him about how he kissed his not-really-an-ex.

Thankfully Eichi seems perfectly absorbed in conversation with Morisawa.

 

The unlikely group ends up staying together through their educational trip to the museum, which was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because Eichi seemed content stay attached to Morisawa and Keito didn't have to deal with him and a curse because he did have to deal with helping Sena babysit Leo, which took his mind off worrying about his own situation but only because Leo has no volume control and wanted to touch anything with an interesting texture despite all the signs hung up instructing visitors not to.

He's finally able to take a moment now, everyone using the evening to relax, a large amount of them are in the onsen as far as Keito is aware, so he's mostly alone, only Tsumugi is in the common area with him and he has found himself sketching, even if it is looking suspiciously like the thing coming together on the page is an image of Rei sitting on the roof.

Of course peace isn't a thing Keito ever has for long.

"So you do still draw," a finger taps the page, adorned with chipped black nail varnish.

Keito scrambles to snap the sketchbook closed. He forces himself to look up, Rei is in lounge wear, hair damp and looking relaxed yet more awake than Keito has seen him in months. "Don't sneak up on people like that, I nearly had a heart attack," he chastises, even though he's sure the hammering of his heart is happening for an entirely different reason.

Rei laughs and drops into the chair opposite. "Are you going to continue avoiding me if I forewarn you of my presence?"

"You avoided me all day," Keito retorts with a shrug as he shoves his sketchbook into his bag in case Rei is still in the habit of stealing it and flicking through without permission.

"You couldn't get away from me fast enough this morning, I thought you wanted me to," Rei replies folding his arms. His fed up expression would be much more menacing if his sweatshirt didn't have leopard print cuffs.

"Oh look we made it less than five minutes without snipping at each other, it's a new record," Keito shoots back because he doesn't actually have a defence for the morning that isn't 'any more blood in my face and my head would have exploded' and he can't say that.

"So snip at me, fight me, I don't care as long as we actually talk about last night!" Rei says, a little too loudly for Keito's comfort.

"Not here," Keito hisses gathering the rest of his things, if he knows anything about Rei, especially night time Rei, it's that once he's made his mind up that's it, he's not going to give up until he's gotten what he wanted. God, Tsumugi is going to get the wrong idea, or at least a worse one than the truth.

"If it pleases you," Rei says with a shrug, standing back up, "though I must admit I have knowledge of things I'm sure Aoba doesn't want getting out at school."

Keito shoots a glance at Tsumugi, who can't possibly be actually reading with the book that close to his face and notices that his knuckles have gone white. "Leave him out of this."

The room they step in to is dark and full of chairs balanced on a large middle table, probably a meeting room when it isn't being used for scandalous conversations by teenage boys.

There's a stretch of silence and Keito wonders what happened to the talking part of the endeavour because there isn't much of it going on.

"You were right," Rei says finally, looking at the floor instead of Keito, "the people who care about me have been worried and talking to them helped."

Keito feels a weight lift, "I'm glad to be of service," it's supposed to be a joke but he's still unsure where this is going.

"And I'm sorry I kissed you," Rei adds, still not looking at him.

Keito's heart drops, the sudden pain is worse than when Eichi admitted that he and Wataru were dating and Keito was definitely not ready to feel anything like that again. "I was going to say the same, so I suppose we're even and..." He did this to himself, entirely and stupidly and he's definitely not going to cry. "If you want to just never speak of it again..."

Rei slowly looks up, "When you say you were going to say the same... Who did you think started it?"

"I did?" Keito says but if Rei is asking it means he might think he did.

"I'm sure I leaned in first," Rei replies with a frown.

"So we both did," Keito muses, "where does that leave us?"

And then Rei's mouth is on his again and Keito is kissing him back and Rei's hands are on his waist and he's backed against the table and sweatshirts are so easy to lift and Rei's skin is soft from his bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I said maybe 4 chapters but I've written the bare bones of 8 instead so I hope you're enjoying the ride.
> 
> Also Leo is never gonna forgive Izumi for not letting him keep that pigeon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a patient human and the chapter is finished so I'm putting it up now

Rei should have known that he couldn't get away with sneaking in unnoticed. His bed has been rearranged between two others and the makeshift queen size contains two of the other Oddballs.

"Where have 'you' been?" Kanata demands, disentangling himself from Wataru to make space for Rei to climb in.

Rei can't speak. Can't believe what he's just done. He's an idiot, he's probably the worst person alive, and yet here they are, arms open.

"Rei?" Wataru asks sitting up.

Rei crawls onto the bed, into his arms, he doesn't think he can feel more ashamed of himself than he does but then the tears start.

"Does this mean it went 'badly'?" Kanata asks shuffling over to stroke his back.

Rei nods. He wants to explain, he really does but he doesn't want to wake anybody up if silent tears turn into sobs and he doesn't really want to think about the look of shame and horror on Keito's face when he realised what they'd done or that while he was trying to make it better somehow 'I still love you' had slipped out or Keito's plea of 'I can't do this right now'.

"It's okay, we've got you," Wataru murmurs petting his hair. "Whatever he's just done to your heart can be fixed, we managed last time and we will again."

"It's my fault this time," Rei chokes.

Kanata makes a skeptical noise and rubs his back.

"We..." Even though Rei knows they won't judge him he's not sure he can own up to his own bad judgement on this one. "I'm an idiot..."

"You don't have to tell us," Wataru says but his tone says he's guessed.

"I don't understand why it has to be so 'complicated'," Kanata sighs, "it's supposed to be a good thing that makes you feel good."

"He was a virgin and he doesn't love me," Rei whispers.

"So was I," Kanata protests, "I do love you, does that 'change' things?"

Rei buries his face in Wataru's chest.

"It changes everything," Wataru says, like he understands.

"I wish he did, I've wanted him to love me back for years," Rei confesses, because it's dark and it's easier to whisper these things when nobody can see your face, because he doesn't have to hide from them, they've already seen him at his worst.

"He's an 'idiot' and a 'fool' and he should, you're 'wonderful'" Kanata says curling in closer.

The tears get worse, Rei's shoulders are shaking trying to restrain the sobs. "I don't feel wonderful."

"I 'hate' him," Kanata grumbles resting his head on Rei's shoulder.

"You don't have to believe it all of the time, but you are wonderful and we still love you," Wataru assures him, "I wish he would stop upsetting you."

"Nakkun is going to murder me for making his mistakes but worse," Rei says wriggling an arm free and wrapping it around Kanata.

"He's going to murder Hasumi for doing this to you first," Wataru says adjusting to hold them both.

"Maybe he'll be really vengeful and leave me to Shu," Rei says with a weak half-laugh, half-sob.

"Oh... Shu is going to 'lose' his 'shit'," Kanata says. It's probably supposed to be reassuring.

"He'll have every right, he was the one who had to physically get me into and out of the shower," Rei replies, he was truly a mess when Keito broke his heart, it's embarrassing to remember.

"Because he adores you and knows you would have done the same for him had he let you," Wataru reminds him gently.

"Why can't either of you find somebody nice?" Kanata sighs.

"We're not here to discuss my relationship," Wataru says prodding Kanata's shoulder. "We can't all be with an actual ray of sunshine."

"I'd share." Kanata says and Rei can feel the smile against his shoulder.

"No, you absolutely would not," Rei teases, he's witnessed just how much Kanata likes to remind everyone that Chiaki is his over the course of the weekend.

"Do you want a broken heart crisis meeting at our cafe tomorrow?" Wataru asks, "as we all said today, we know something has been up and we want to help."

Rei nods.

"Well we'll do that, I'm sure our favourite little magician will feel as we do," Wataru replies and gives them both a squeeze. "Do you want to sleep now or stay up more?"

"Sleep would be a smart idea," Rei admits, they have to get up and travel in the morning.

 

Rei tries really hard to avoid looking at Keito at all the whole time they're all assembling to leave, he managed to sleep through breakfast and get woken up with an hour before they had to leave by Shu, who had taken a bag of toast from the breakfast hall. He can't help but sneak a look as the bus arrives, Keito looks like hell, his under eye bags are atrocious. Rei feels a stab of guilt.

The trip back is relatively uneventful and Wataru lets him nap on his shoulder. They seem to have rallied, leaving Tenshouin looking puzzled at how Wataru hasn't returned to his side, but Rei can't bring himself to care, right now he needs Wataru more than the other boy does.

 

They're greeted off the bus by Natsume and Rei has never felt as thankful to see anyone. Even when Natsume nods hello at them and has a hushed conversation with Tsumugi before coming over.

"Wataru told me the crisis finally reached boiling pOINT," Natsume says slipping himself in under Rei's arm.

"And that your most treasured of friends shall talk about it over drinks!" Wataru adds reaching around Rei to nudge him.

"I'm as in the dark as you are," Shu sighs.

"Should have just broken the rules and 'slept' with us," Kanata retorts waving a hand at them to hurry to the cafe.

"Sounds less like a crisis and more like fUN?" Natsume teases.

"He means sleeping, if we had decided to consummate our love as a group we wouldn't leave our darling youngest out," Rei laughs giving Natsume a squeeze. "Or Shu."

"You're vile and I'm not interested nor do I condone infidelity," Shu grouses.

"BorING," Natsume chuckles reaching for Shu's hand.

Rei almost relaxes enough to forget that he's about to unburden all of his worries and mistakes on his friends until he's sat in the booth with a glass of tomato juice and Natsume leans over and says "sO?" and he has to launch into the whole story.

 

"So you're telling me that not only did you... get up close and personal," Shu begins.

"Fucked, they fuCKED," Natsume cuts in, sympathy replaced with vengeance for 'you did what in the library?' the previous month.

"Don't be vulgar," Shu chastises. "Anyway, not only did you get up close and..." He covers Natsume's mouth delicately with a napkin covered hand, "personal with the boy who broke your heart so badly you had to be physically dragged from your bed and babied into the shower and nearly spoon fed soup because eating was too big a chore for you but on top of that after months of vague assurances that you were fine and have plans you admit mere weeks before graduation that you have absolutely no idea what you're doing?"

"Everybody was so busy, I didn't want to trouble you with the follies of this old man," Rei defends himself sheepishly.

Shu heaves a monumental sigh, "we're your friends, we would have helped."

Rei looks down at his hands.

"You may say you've completely changed since second year but you haven't entirely because you're still a royal pain in the behind!" Shu exclaims but it's over cut with a loud simultaneous cry of "ass!" from both Natsume and Wataru.

"Will the pair of you cut that out?" Shu snaps at them.

"Say ass," Natsume retorts.

"You are an ass," Shu shoots back and Kanata dissolves into giggles.

"I, your Wataru Hibiki, have no idea what I'm doing either~" Wataru shrugs taking on some of the burden of Shus irritation.

Rei is going to miss them all dearly.

"On that note, because I don't want grey hairs and both of you are incredibly stressful," Shu says, "and I cannot believe that I'm about to stick up for Hasumi of all people, do you think it's possible that his freak out was less to do with not returning your feelings and maybe that he committed the act outside of a committed relationship?"

Natsume snorts.

"Not all of us consider it something to be done lightly," Shu snips at him. "And maybe if you started thinking of that before your underwear comes off you'd cry less."

"HarSH!" Natsume replies pouting. "Not entirely undeservED, but harSH. Anyway we're not talking about me being a thot, today it's all on Rei~"

Rei sighs, the answer would, and probably should, be 'talk to him about it' but that's hard and scares him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Oddballs speech quirks are so damn hard to write please be gentle with me
> 
> Also before anyone says "what about lube" there are sex acts that are still considered sex that don't need it, I'm not being utterly unrealistic here.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's a planned schedule and can I eat it?  
> Full day early because I'm seeing my gf this weekend and I'd inevitably forget to upload tomorrow.  
> Not the longest chapter ever but I think the next one will make up for it by being a fairly long one.

"What the fuck did you do?" 

The last thing Keito expects is two members of Undead to burst into the archery room. He's there trying to force his brain to stop replaying the last night of the trip on a horrible loop but it doesn't look like he's going to get that lucky. 

"What do you mean what did I do?" Keito asks trying to keep his voice level and not let his hands visibly shake as he lowers his bow.

"Last time he was this... off, it was your fault," Koga accuses folding his arms.

"And you broke curfew twice and Kanata didn't sneak in on the last night, but you came back late," Kaoru adds, glancing at Koga like he's assessing whether he'll need to hold him back.

"So you put two and two together and got five?" Keito asks raising an eyebrow.

"Whatever you did, and I don't fuckin' care if it hurt you too, stay away from him and don't fuckin' do it again," Koga growls, "I'm fuckin' sick of you hurting him and it's all you ever do."

"Get out of my club room," Keito says still managing a level tone despite the panicky nausea rising in his throat.

Koga turns on his heel and storms out slamming the door loudly. 

Kaoru doesn't follow. "It's not my business," he begins.

"No, you're right, it's not," Keito says turning away as if he's going to go back to archery.

"We're graduating soon, don't leave it like this," Kaoru rubs the back of his neck, "and I wasn't going to say but Souma is worried about you too and Kanata got suspiciously quiet when he brought it up so... I know it's messing you up too."

Keito sighs, he should have known he couldn't keep it as secret as he would have liked with an Oddball, a member of Undead and a member of Akatsuki sharing a school club. "Noted."

"Yeah... later." Kaoru sighs.

Keito waits until the door shuts to put his bow down and flop on to the mats. Kaoru isn't exactly wrong, it's stupid to leave it like this, but he doesn't know what he's supposed to say, they're both going to graduate and move on with their lives so the fact that he didn't just say 'I still love you too' or that he freaked out and ran won't matter much then.

"I didn't know if I should come out or not but..." Leo flops down on the mat.

"You were in here the whole time?" Keito asks wondering how somebody as stupidly noisy as Leo managed to sneak in at all.

"I was in the supply closet with Little John," Leo shrugs, "I went in there to hide from Sena, he wants me to go confirm I did enough extra work to graduate."

"And did you do what you were set?" Keito asks, glad that Leo isn't pressing the subject of his mess of a love life.

"All of it, and the make up tests," Leo says playing with his sleeves.

"So what are you afraid of?" Keito asks.

"That I wasn't good enough," Leo admits, "or that I was, I don't know."

"Why wouldn't you want to graduate?" Keito asks, if he's put in all the extra work for it, and Keito knows that's a big thing for Leo to manage to do, then he doesn't understand what's holding him back.

"I only just got Knights back," Leo says covering his face with his hands.

"They'll be okay," Keito says, though from what Eichi and Isara have said the youngest Sakuma is taking a knock on effect from his elder siblings turmoil.

"Rittsu is struggling and Naru and newbie are going to have to take on so much work," Leo groans. "And I was so busy being... being me that I wasn't here to help them."

Keito feels a stab of guilt, he never meant for Leo to be collateral damage in his and Eichi's regime change.

"If I go then me and Sena are going to colleges close enough we can live together and I know I can do it but if I stay I can look after Rittsu and I can make up for all the mess I made and I can show people a really good diploma not just one that I had to make up but maybe I can't because what if when Sena isn't here to make me good enough I'm not?" Leo mumbles into his hands.

"You won't know if we don't go and find out, let me get changed," Keito sighs, at least dragging Leo to the office will stop him from replaying everything in his head.

"Fine," Leo whines flopping onto his back and staring at the ceiling.

 

There's a knock on the office door and Akiomi gets up with a "sorry, I should see who this is."

Leo is sat in the chair, eyes swimming and Keito doesn't know what to say.

"We couldn't find him, we've looked everywhere."

Narukami's voice. The whole of Knights must have been looking. 

Akiomi sighs and the door swings back open to reveal not only the rest of Knights but Mikejima too. "Hasumi brought him up."

"Leo! We looked everywhere! I said I'd come with you!" Sena chastises stepping into the office.

"Did you do it?" Suou asks from the doorway.

Leo nods.

Knights erupts into cheering and congratulations and Leo promptly bursts into tears.

"What's wrong?" Narukami asks rushing straight over.

"I'm going to miss you!" Leo wails.

"You can't just not graduate because we'll miss each other, don't be stupid!" Ritsu laughs throwing himself into his unit leaders lap.

Keito is reminded then of how similar the Sakuma siblings are, he hopes that Rei has actually spoken to his brother but doubts it because they're both stubborn. "Now that's sorted out I'll be taking my leave," he says getting up, this is Knights business anyway and he'd rather not have either Ritsu or Mikejima tearing into him after the encounter with Undead, he feels bad enough already.

 

Instead of staying there to incur any wrath Keito makes his way down to the library. To the records room. And then he's staring at the spine of an album that he shouldn't pick up, one that contains the records of his first unit, it's going to bring him no joy but he pulls it out anyway.

Keito finds a chair in the most secluded corner and sits, album in hands and doesn't open it. He's doing this to himself because of what? A sense of nostalgia? Guilt? Probably the latter, he should at the very least apologise for freaking out.

He flips it open to a random page and there they are in the snow, him in his samue and Rei in ripped jeans and the most hideous fur trimmed coat. He remembers that day, he'd been shovelling the paths when Rei had decided to visit and moments before the photo had been arguing about how Rei absolutely wasn't allowed to smoke anywhere on the premises not even on the paths outside and how he shouldn't be doing that anyway, not if he was at all serious about idol work. He never thought he'd actually miss Rei being a handful.

Keito wonders if he still smokes, he didn't taste like it either time they kissed, it could have been because they were on a school trip but Rei never used to care about that sort of thing, maybe he does now or maybe he quit.

He should talk to Rei before graduation. But not today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keito's very good at meddling in other people's lives, if only he'd also go fix his own.
> 
> As always you're welcome to come yell at me on Twitter @dreamiinghours  
> Especially if I've missed something during editing I hate leaving mistakes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck it, Thursday upload again, might as well since I'm over re-reading and editing  
> As always please let me know if you spot a mistake or typo!!  
> Also it didn't come out as long as I wanted post edit, but I hate throwing in filler just for the word count

There's a letter waiting on the mat, one that Rei instantly recognises the seal on.

He opens it and pulls out the contents.

'Dear Mr Sakuma,

We are writing to ask that you contact us about the offer made to you during your stay here'

Rei skims the rest.

'Our offer of a job here as a teaching assistant is still open.' Is the first thing that stands out.

He remembers Shu in the restaurant booth assuring him that he's definitely still good enough to follow his dreams.

He remembers Keito's hands on his skin, teeth on his collarbone. The 'I still love you' that neither of them have addressed.

He's going to be late for school.

 

"Did you have anything to do with this?" Rei demands, slamming the letter down on the table and wishing he didn't have to do this in the tea club room because it would be so much more dramatic if Eichi were behind a desk.

Eichi steadies a teacup with one hand and picks up the letter with the other.

Rei hasn't been this angry in a while and he hates how he's so capable of leaving that part of himself in the past until Eichi Tenshouin has to insist on sticking his nose into Rei's business.

"I had absolutely nothing to do with it," Eichi says with a frown and hands the letter back, "just because I hooked Morisawa up with that hero show producer doesn't mean I'm going around doing the same for everyone."

Rei inspects his face for any sign that he's lying, because he knows better than to take the boy at face value. "I'm not sure I believe you."

"Sit down, have some tea," Eichi says gesturing at the empty seat and steaming pot.

"I don't want your tea, I want to know what you're trying to pull," Rei says but sits down anyway.

"I'm not trying to pull anything," Eichi replies, calm as ever, pouring himself a cup anyway. "Are you sure you won't have tea?"

"Tenshouin," Rei growls. "What have you been told and by who?"

Eichi stares at him, puzzled. "Nothing, by anybody, if you must know everybody is keeping at least one secret and I'm quite fed up, but it's clearly none of my business."

Rei leans back, he's still confused and vaguely annoyed but now he's also upset with himself for thinking that Wataru might betray him like that, he wouldn't be too surprised if Keito had, but he should at least have trusted his friend and not suspected him. "You better not be meddling in my relationships." Rei grumbles.

"If this is about Ritsu all I've said is that he needs to talk to you about what you intend to do so he can move somebody else in if you're leaving," Eichi takes a sip of his tea, "he's having anxiety attacks about it, which I'm sure he can solve by talking it out, he's very stubborn."

Ritsu... Rei has been so wrapped up in trying to work out his life and get his head around what had happened with Keito he hadn't even thought about it. And the anxiety attacks were back and he hadn't even noticed, he's the worst brother on the planet.

"I take it your silence means this is nothing to do with your brother, who you really need to talk to," Eichi says leaning his elbow on the table and his chin in his palm. "Who is it about?"

"Wataru." Rei outright lies, and he'll have to apologise about it later, "His plans are abstract, mine are non-existent, I thought you might be trying to get me away from him before you got stuck with me for life." Non-existent is a lie, he's vaguely talked to Kaoru about doing idol work together but not that he's been having doubts about being good enough for it, but Tenshouin doesn't need to know that.

Eichi laughs. "If your friendship can survive his decision to date me after everything I did to you then it's going to take a nuke to ruin, and while I could probably arrange it, I like him alive and happy, if that means putting up with you I'll pay that price for him."

"The pair of you are disgusting," Rei mutters, though secretly he's pleased that the utter devotion goes both ways.

"It's a good offer though, and a years contract means you can come back when the rest of Undead graduates if that's where you intend to end up," Eichi takes another sip of his tea.

"Ritsu will never forgive me," Rei isn't sure that his complete ignorance of his brothers concerns hasn't sealed that deal already.

"Oh he'll throw a tantrum, I'm sure," Eichi says leaning back and studying Rei with interest, "but he has the capability for being a lot more grown up than any of the people who fuss over him like a spoilt child give him credit for."

"Well, I suppose you're off the hook, for now," Rei says standing up and snatching his letter back up off the table.

"You really should consider their offer you know," Eichi says watching and sipping his tea.

"You just want to get rid of the competition," Rei retorts shoving the letter into his bag.

"Maybe so," Eichi replies with a smile.

 

Ritsu doesn't seem to be coming home and Rei feels worse thinking about trying to talk to him about the letter than he does thinking about addressing the matter with Keito or Kaoru.

He's half way through trying to drown himself in the shower when the front door finally slams shut. He's going to have to wash quickly if he has a hope of catching Ritsu before he goes to bed.

Rei is half way through rinsing the suds from his hair when the bathroom door opens. "I'm in the shower," he chastises, though Ritsu won't see anything through the curtain anyway.

"I have to pee and you take eighty-four years washing," Ritsu retorts and Rei hears the toilet seat go up. "Besides, if I'm not allowed bathroom privacy you're not either."

"If you're referring to Isara and I removing the lock it's your own fault for not only falling asleep in the shower but also lying about using the bathroom so you could nap on the floor," Rei sighs and then sticks his head under the water so he doesn't have to listen to Ritsu peeing.

"You both suck." The tap goes on and Rei's shower gets several degrees colder. The toilet lid goes down. Rei grabs the shower gel and starts to wash as he hears Ritsu sit down on the seat of the toilet.

"I read your letter," Ritsu confesses.

"Do you want to do this when I'm out the shower?" Rei asks nervously. He shouldn't have left it on the coffee table or trusted Ritsu not to be nosy.

"No, it's easier when you're behind a curtain," Ritsu says, "are you going to do it?"

"I'm not sure," Rei admits, it had been the big plan when he came back from England but everything else had gotten in the way.

"Well I talked to doggy a while ago and we looked at the lease and we're allowed a real dog here, plus the rent, split with my half, would be cheaper than he's paying now," Ritsu replies.

"So if I move out, Koga will move in so you won't be alone?" Rei asks, wondering when they managed to talk about it.

"He caught me having..." Ritsu trails off but Rei knows what the end of the sentence is.

"I know about them," Rei admits, "I spoke to Eichi." 

"Goddamn meddlesome ass," Ritsu grumbles.

Rei rinses off and turns the shower off. A towel appears around the end of the curtain and Rei takes it, wrapping it around himself.

When he steps out of the shower Ritsu is stood facing the door with a towel over his head.

"You could have told me," Rei says, though he understands why Ritsu didn't.

"You were stressed out enough," Ritsu sounds choked up.

"You're my baby brother," Rei says drying himself off since Ritsu seems determined to stay in the corner covered up.

"I'm your brother," Ritsu corrects him, "I'm not a baby."

Rei wonders when that happened, he isn't used to Ritsu acting like an adult, maybe, he admits, begrudgingly, to himself, Eichi was right. "And you would be okay with that?" He asks pulling his clothing back on.

"I'll survive," Ritsu mutters, "I survived when you left before, you can't just put your life on hold or miss an opportunity to do what you've always wanted and be happy just because I'll..."

"I'm dressed, you can look," Rei says, heart suddenly aching.

"I'll miss you." Ritsu pulls the towel off his head, his eyes are damp.

"I'll miss you too, come here you big, beautiful, grown up fool," Rei says as his own eyes fill up and he extends his arms

For the first time in years Ritsu steps forward into the hug.

"You'll be okay? You promise?" Rei asks holding him tightly.

Ritsu nods and snakes his arms around Rei. "It'll take a load off Maakun because Doggy says he'll play his guitar over my head if I won't get up in the morning."

Rei feels like he's going to cry. He also feels like he's going to write back and accept the offer. It's terrifying and exhilarating all at once.

"Are you going to say yes?" Ritsu asks and then adds, "you'd better say you are, you can't turn down living a dream because other people want something else from you."

Rei pulls back, "I think so."

 

"You wanted to talk?" Kaoru is sitting on the piano stool when Rei arrives but he doesn't look up from tapping away on his phone.

"It's about the working together idea," Rei says shedding his coat.

"You don't want to do it," Kaoru replies still not looking up.

"It's not that I don't, but I've had an offer to train as a teacher next year, and it's just a year, but I don't know..." Rei mumbles, he's such a let down, he and Kaoru have never been that close even working together but that doesn't mean that he doesn't care deeply.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Kaoru sighs, locking his phone and shoving it into his pocket.

"But I also wanted to continue working with you," Rei says with a shrug.

"So go do the year and come back when you're trained?" Kaoru suggests rolling his eyes.

"And you'd be okay with that?" Rei asks, worried that Kaoru won't answer honestly.

"Every time we've ever talked about what our families expect and what we want you've always pushed me to do what will make me happy," Kaoru says, slow and considered, "but you don't push yourself, your happiness always takes a back seat, like you don't consider it, and all I see is everyone around you waiting for you to finally do something to make yourself happy and you never do, in case you upset one of us, but all that leaves is everyone who cares about you stressed because we know you're miserable, so take your own advice, Undead will still be here next year if you want us."

"We?" Rei asks blinking away tears because Kaoru is the last person who's going to want to deal with him crying.

"Yeah," Kaoru says, standing up and awkwardly patting Rei on the shoulder, "me included, just don't cry, it's not cute when boys cry."

Rei laughs and wipes his eyes on his sleeve. "It's cute when girls do?"

Kaoru is saved from answering by a knock on the door. "That's my cue to go, just... think about it, yeah?"

Rei nods. He had hoped he could avoid all the awkward 'I think I'm leaving' conversations but Kaoru lets himself out and Koga strolls in.

"Hey, Wanko, I..."

"You better properly clean your room when you vacate it," Koga says throwing his bag on the floor. "I don't want Leon finding year old cigarette butts and eatin' them."

Rei laughs, properly, for the first time in weeks and throws his arms around the other boy amidst much protest.

 

The last difficult conversation left is going to be the hardest but Rei knows he's going to have to do it whether he likes it or not.

"I have the papers, once you've signed them Deadmanz will be officially over," Keito says dumping a form on the piano.

Rei picks it up, studies it, if he signs it then it really is the end. "Do you have a pen?" 

Keito pulls one out of his pocket and hands it over. Rei scrawls his name of the dotted line and hands them both back.

"About the trip, we haven't really had chance to speak since... and I shouldn't have been avoiding you," Keito says placing both pen and paper back down. "I behaved terribly..."

"We can't do this," Rei replies ignoring the tightening in his chest, this, whatever is between them is the only thing left holding him back.

"It wasn't a mistake and I never should have said it was," Keito adds quietly.

"It was a heat of the moment thing, it happened, we can regret it all we like, but we can't do this," Rei knows he's being a coward but Keito has been too.

"So it was just closure?" Keito sounds like he's struggling to keep the hurt out of his tone.

Rei stands up and reaches for his arm, "I'm going to be really unfair, and I know I am, but you deserve to know," he swallows hard, he's made his mind up and he can't go back on it, "It's not that I don't want to, I never stopped wanting to, and I meant it, I still love you, but I'm..." Fuck he could turn the offer down, say he's changed his mind but Keito deserves better than somebody with the diploma Rei is about to graduate with and no future plans or prospects chasing after a dream that might not happen, "I'm leaving, I've been offered a years assistant position at the school in England, and I said yes."

Keito exhales shakily and then looks up with a weak smile, "that's excellent news."

It's not, Rei can tell from the set of his jaw that his teeth are gritted behind the smile. "I'm sorry."

"You'd be sorrier if you turned it down and I'd make sure of that," Keito says sniffing and then laughing a little.

"It turns out that for a little shit my brother can be surprisingly insightful," Rei replies with a chuckle of his own, "so I'm passing this on, in the hope that you keep drawing, you can't just let a bunch of other people tell you not to live your dreams, it's pointless and you'll just be miserable."

Keito looks away, "well, maybe, you never know."

"I leave the evening of graduation, though you should probably enjoy the party with your family," Rei adds, because he doesn't know what else to say.

And then Keito's hands are on his face and Keito's lips are on his and maybe he can take it all back and fight to be an idol duo even if it's hard and he's broke because he'd give up everything for this.

And then Keito pulls away. "For the record, because I'm every bit as unfair as you, I still love you too, and I'm proud of you."

"That was goodbye, wasn't it?" Rei asks touching his lips.

"It's not like you'll never come back, maybe by then we'll have gotten over it, maybe we won't, and if we haven't we can try and do it right this time," Keito says, "I should take these to the office," he indicates the papers and then swaps them with a picture that he pulls from his bag. The one he drew of Rei on the roof.

Rei wants to say something as he leaves but all he manages is; "thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are approximately 3 chapters left.  
> Please direct any screaming at me for this pile of heartbreak to the comment box or my twitter @dreamiinghours  
> I really appreciate feedback, it's what keeps me writing honestly


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Why are you like this" I whisper at my screen as I continue writing them being like this.

"You're avoiding me." It isn't a question, it's a statement.

Keito looks up from the pile of paperwork. "I'm busy."

"Since the trip?" Eichi frowns, no, its more petulant than that, he's definitely pouting.

"We're graduating Eichi, there's a lot to do," maybe he should just tell him, it's not like he has anything to lose now except his last shred of dignity.

"And you're processing the papers for Deadmanz," Eichi says putting his hand on them. "Are you angry with me because I made you ruin it?"

Keito feels exasperated but he's the one keeping Eichi in the dark. "I chose to do that. I just..." he doesn't want to say it. "He's leaving."

Eichi sighs and sits on the desk, "I know, he got all aggressive with me because he thought I had something to do with it because Wataru hadn't got graduation plans either and accused me of meddling."

So Rei told Eichi... Probably before him. Well that stings. Though Keito is slowly putting the pieces together, if Rei assumed that he told Eichi then he also could have assumed that Eichi was trying to get between them again and that would mean the Wataru thing was a cover and Rei lies more than Keito likes to admit.

"You're frowning, and everybody is acting shifty and keeping secrets and I'm really sick of it," Eichi says folding his arms.

"I slept with him." Keito didn't mean for that to fall out of his mouth but there it is, out in the open.

"Sakuma or my boyfriend?" Eichi asks quietly.

"Sakuma, idiot, I only put up with your boyfriend because you're my best friend and you love him," Keito sighs though he can see how Eichi got to that conclusion it's also a little hurtful that he would.

"You could have had some elaborate revenge scheme because I was a jealous bratty child who broke up your relationship on purpose..." Eichi admits sliding off the desk and into a chair.

"On purpose?" Keito asks, it's not like he didn't know but he never thought Eichi would say it out loud.

"I knew you liked me and I didn't like that you liked him too and I wanted to find out who you liked more and then everything happened and I just..." Eichi rubs his face with his hands, "I was awful to you and I'm sorry and you... shit Keito..." Eichi looks at him in horror.

"What?" Keito has a wave of nausea.

"He's leaving, you slept with him, and unless you've kept that from me too you were a..." Eichi has gone very pale.

"I was, I'm not now, obviously, and yes he's leaving," this is precisely why he didn't want to talk to Eichi about it, Keito really doesn't want him to collapse.

"I encouraged him to go," Eichi says quietly, "I didn't even have an ulterior motive, it's just a really good offer and he might not get one that good again and I didn't know what you'd done..."

"So did I, and I did know, but like you said, it's a really good offer," Keito doesn't really know when Eichi started allowing himself to take down the facade and show empathy but he wishes he'd stop.

"I could stop him, I'll tell them about his dangerous training methods or pay them to withdraw the offer, he wouldn't even have to know," Eichi says reaching over and putting his hand on Keito's.

"You'll do no such thing," Keito says though he appreciates the sentiment. "We're not ruining his life again, he might forgive me but I never would."

"But he can't just take your virginity and leave," Eichi squeezes his hand.

"I gave it to him and I told him he should go, it's life Eichi, not a manga," Keito can't believe he has to explain this to an eighteen year old.

"So what, Keito?" Eichi grouses, "are you going to go after him?"

"What run away to England and declare my undying love?" Keito snorts.

"I'll pay for your flight." Oh god, he's serious.

"We've just been through this, life is not a manga," It's like dealing with a child, Keito wants to fudge the paperwork and get him held back, he's clearly not ready for adulthood yet.

"So you're just going to let him go?" Eichi asks.

"Yep." Keito replies but there's a lump in his throat and his eyes are prickling.

"And you're not going after him?" 

He's explained this and doesn't want to again. "No."

"But you're in love with him?" Eichi protests.

Keito had promised himself that no matter what he wasn't going to cry. "I am."

"Oh, Keito..." Eichi moves forward and drags him into his arms.

Keito wills himself to keep the floodgates firmly closed but Eichi squeezes him and they break.

 

"You're upset," Souma says from his position cross-legged on the dojo floor.

Keito nods.

"Wanna talk about it?" Kuro asks, pausing his stretches.

"I already talked to Eichi, talking isn't going to change it and I don't really want to cry again," Keito says wiping his eyes, because even if he doesn't want to cry his eyes are filling up again.

Souma's hand goes straight to his sword.

"Kanzaki," Keito warns, though it's nice having somebody who always wants to protect him.

"Who made you cry?" Souma asks, hand still on the hilt.

"Rei is leaving," Keito says, wiping his eyes again in frustration.

"Adonis told me," Souma says moving his hand away.

"It's fine," Keito says and wipes his eyes again, "I'm fine, we talked, it was inevitable."

"Properly talked or five minutes of pretending you're both fine when you're not and calling it a day?" Kuro asks.

Keito stares at his hands. "Do I go over and make him actually talk to me?"

"Probably best get some closure before he leaves," Kuro says resuming his stretches.

He's right, of course he's right, Keito knows he should, but knowing it and doing it are two different things.

 

"I'm not done," Keito tells Rei. There's a stack of boxes in the Sakuma living room, it's really happening, he's leaving and Keito knows this might be his last chance to say the things that have caught in his throat over and over again.

"Did you want another goodbye kiss?" Rei teases stepping back and gesturing Keito into the flat.

"I came to apologise, actually." Keito retorts, though he isn't actually against the idea of kissing again even though he knows how this ends and it isn't with him letting Rei change his mind.

Rei steps into the living room and throws a pile of clothing from the couch to the floor. "For what?"

"Everything," Keito admits and the words feel glued into his chest again but he needs to rip them off like plasters. "We were so close to being something but you weren't being the Rei I wanted you to be so I tried to push you into it and all I did was push you away instead."

"Oh you mean my delinquent phase? That's alright, I wasn't being who I should have been either," Rei picks up a stack of books and moves them to the coffee table. "Oh, I'm a terrible host, I apologise, everything is in chaos, would you like something to drink?"

"Rei." Keito folds his arms and glares at the older man.

"Yes?" Rei asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm trying to be honest here, and actually apologise for what I did because I still haven't and I thought that we were past this," Keito can feel the irritation bubbling up, he had thought that after the kisses, and the admission of love they might just be past Rei shoving on one of his many masks, clearly he was wrong.

"And I thought we had said our goodbyes," Rei retorts, losing a little of the facade.

"Okay, I get it, the apology is more for me than you and you're annoyed, I just thought..." Keito trails off, maybe he should have thought that before coming over.

"It's unnecessary," Rei says stepping over a box and tucking a finger under Keito's chin and making him look at him. "I was angry, I allowed myself to use that as a shield and I wasn't honest with you or myself, if I had been I think things would have been very different."

"So be honest now," it comes out as a plea.

"It's a long and tedious story and I'm afraid you'll think less of me if I tell it," Rei admits looking away.

"Rei, please," Keito knows how pathetic he sounds and his heart aches at the sadness written all over Rei's face. "I love you, I want us to have cleared the air, I want to look back on us when you're gone and know I've done more than ruin it over and over."

"Would you still love me if you knew the delinquent thing was something I started because I was angry and self-destructing?" Rei asks still looking out the window and not at him.

"You think I didn't already?" Keito asks, it's almost incredible that Rei thought he couldn't see that even back then.

"What if I told you I started acting out to take the pressure off Ritsu?" Rei asks, still refusing to look at him. "And then I just liked the freedom of it?"

Keito's chest hurts, he should have seen this coming from a mile off, and instead he got fed up and ultimately pushed Rei away and ruined his school life too. "I think we should sit down."

Rei nods and moves to the couch. "So I was the golden child, the good one and Ritsu wasn't, he wasn't perfect, he was anxious and clingy and as they saw it; lazy, but he wasn't, he got the worst deal with all of the health issues and when our parents actually bothered being around they were always comparing us and telling him that he just wasn't trying hard enough and if I could do it why couldn't he and he started hating me for it and I'd just had enough."

"So the whole time it was because your parents were putting more pressure on you both than you could handle?" Keito asks resting a hand on Rei's arm.

"It was just too much and I didn't want to be perfect at the risk of losing my brother," Rei says with a sigh, "and I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think less of me but then you did anyway and I lost you anyway and I just... gave up I suppose."

"I just wanted you to be the Rei who sat and talked to me about all the things he was learning and I knew the Rei who skipped classes and swore at teachers wasn't your best self and I didn't know why you were doing it and you wouldn't talk to me about it," Keito tells him sadly, an ache settling in his chest from how much he wanted the person he loved back and how Rei was going to leave and they'd wasted so much time.

"I'm sorry, I fucked up, I closed myself off instead of just admitting that I was struggling, it's a really bad habit," Rei pulls a hand through his hair.

"And I gave up when I should have fought for you," Keito admits squeezing Rei's arm.

"I guess we're both terrible then," Rei says with a small choked laugh.

"I wish I'd done everything differently," Keito sighs and has to wipe his eyes. "I wish I'd chosen you."

"So do I," Rei replies and scrubs his face with his sleeve. "Stay tonight? We don't have to talk about anything heavy, I just want one night of your company before I go."

Keito sniffs and nods and then shuffles along the couch until he's pressed against Rei's side.

 

It isn't until much later, when Keito is tucked under Rei's arm, and thinking he should really go shower the sweat and he doesn't want to think about what else off that he finally asks, "so what now?"

"Now I wish I hadn't quit smoking because I'm craving one and I was thinking that we should shower," Rei says nuzzling his face into Keito's hair.

"You're such a cliche, and I meant us," Keito says but he can't help smiling.

"I won't ask you to wait for me, especially not if my contract gets extended, a year is bad enough, more than that is too much," Rei sighs and squeezes his Keito tighter, "I wish we could just... freeze this moment and live in it forever."

"I don't, you smell terrible and I'm... sticky." Keito teases though he understands the sentiment.

"You're not the one with..." Rei starts and then, "let's not even go there, it's unpleasant."

"I can imagine," Keito replies and cuddles into him more even though Rei does actually smell pretty bad, "and you don't have to ask me to wait, but I can't imagine being like this with anyone who isn't you, not now I have been."

"That's very romantic," Rei says, planting a kiss on the top of Keito's head. "I think I wanted you before I knew what it meant, not like this, obviously, but I wanted to impress you and be your favourite since we met."

Keito laughs and leans up to kiss him, "maybe we should just forget about it for tonight, shower and pretend you don't have to go."

"I can live with that," Rei says and leans down to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing a close, next chapter may be late because of the holidays and the fact I've not properly written a chunk of it yet.  
> I do have another project on the go and it does contain these assholes being in love but it's an AU
> 
> And yeah feedback would be amazing and my twitter is still the same so yeah!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bloody hell I'm only one day late, this one was a struggle to fit everything in to without it reading unnaturally.  
> Epilogue next week and then I'm done.

Rain hammers down on the concrete, even with the shelter of the balcony above Rei feels splatters on his arms.

The sliding door scrapes open and then shut again.

"Never stood a chance did we?" Koga says, hands stuffed into the pockets of an old hoodie he's stolen from the pile Rei is throwing away.

"Which us?" Rei asks quietly.

Koga snorts. "Both I guess." At least he doesn't sound like he's going to either cry or start yelling.

"The more I thought about being an idol immediately, as a duo, the more I couldn't see myself being any good at it," Rei admits leaning on the railing even though it's wet.

"Hakaze is gonna do modelling with some of Knights for a bit," Koga shrugs, "and we'll join back up if you come back, maybe if you don't."

"That's good," Rei feels a part of his heart turn to ash.

"You'll be a good teacher, you already have been, might as well get paid for it," Koga laughs and then goes quiet and looks down at the floor. "Did you ever... y'know..?"

This was the last conversation Rei has been dreading yet knew had to happen one day, necessary but painful nonetheless. "I wanted to. I tried." He can't give a better answer.

"Counts I guess," Koga mumbles.

"I didn't enjoy knowing I was hurting you and I am sorry." Rei doesn't know what else to say, though they had a rocky beginning, entirely his fault, he cares about Koga.

"You'd still be leaving, it'd suck more if we were... So it's whatever, doesn't matter." Koga kicks at one of the plant pots.

"I never thought the offer would still be open, not after..." not after he was made a public spectacle in Tenshouins grab for power.

"That's 'cause you always sell yourself short," Koga growls.

"Don't know what you all see in this old fool," Rei admits. The rain continues, soaking the arms of his sweater where they're exposed to it.

"Something buried in all the bullshit," Koga retorts, clearly frustrated.

The door squeals, clearly angered by the rain. Rei needs to oil that before he leaves, so Koga and Ritsu don't forget and end up getting it stuck closed.

"Your mutt is eating the couch and won't listen to me telling him not to," Ritsu says from the doorway.

Koga groans. "Better stop him."

Rei reaches over and ruffles Kogas hair, earning himself a slapped arm and a glare.

 

Despite the fact that all of Rei's things are packed up in boxes and cases and some of Koga's has already been moved in so the flat is in a state of transition there has been a knock on the door and all four of Rei's closest friends have piled in with bags of takeout food and snacks and a stack of movies for a going away party, or "finally we'll be rid of yOU" celebration as Natsume tactfully put it earning agreement from Ritsu. Rei can't be angry with either of them, he knows what they're both like with goodbyes.

Rei doesn't, however, really need to see Kanata throwing shrimp into Wataru's mouth, it was only impressive the first few times and Shu is growing more agitated with each near miss so he picks up some of the empty glasses and takes them through to the kitchen where Natsume had disappeared to with a stack of empty starter plates.

The plates are stacked on the draining rack and Natsume is sat on the floor playing with a loose thread on his sleeve. Rei slides down the cabinets next to him.

"What are you thinking about, kid?" Rei asks gently nudging him with his elbow.

"Don't call me kid, I'm not a CHILD," Natsume grouses, elbowing back.

"You're avoiding the question," Rei prods, knowing it won't do him any good to keep bottling whatever it is that's bothering him.

"You're leaving, everyone else who actually likes me but Sora and Anzu are graduatING," Natsume shrugs, "I guess I just realised how alone I'm going to be."

"You won't be the only person feeling like that, Shu has been worried about Mika suffering that fate too," Rei assures him, tucking an arm through his.

"So you're saying replace you all with new misfits, like you're just..." Natsume waves a hand, "not that imPORTANT."

"I know we're important," Rei sighs as Natsume leans his head on Rei's shoulder. "But you can't just say it's us or nothing and think we'll be okay with that, we don't want you to be lonely."

Natsume laughs bitterly, "I wish you could stay, I wish Tsumugi could too, I can't believe he gets to do what he did and then LEAVE ME."

"What are his plans?" Rei asks, the subject of Tsumugi is a delicate one and he has to tread carefully.

"He says he's going to get enough basic work to support himself and wait for us to join him, which I assume is what he thinks we want but I don't know if that's what he wANTS..." Natsume shrugs again as if the more times he acts unbothered the more unbothered he'll be.

Rei would say more but the kitchen door swings open and they're accosted by Wataru and Kanata, who flop down all over the pair of them and suddenly they're tangled in arms and hair and cries of "we're supposed to be having fun!"

 

The graduation ceremony itself comes and goes, Natsume vanishes out the door as soon as it's over, tissues have to be handed out liberally and Rei shakes more hands and receives more hugs than he thinks he has in his life. Even less expected is an entire crowd to see him off. but it seems like half the school has gathered to wait for his taxi.

He's managed to at least say goodbyes to everybody important, left Aoba Tsumugi with a whispered "break his heart and I'm coming back to break you," and nearly had his entire rib cage broken by Wataru. He has a wet tear stain on his jacket from where Natsume had flung himself through the gate into Rei's arms after a long period of hiding and refusal to say goodbye to anybody.

The last goodbye is going to be the hardest, but he's decided to be brave and wrap Keito in a smothering hug.

"When you're trained up," Keito says into his shoulder, "and this place decides they need you, if you still feel the same, you know where I'll be." 

Rei is sure that with the passing of time things will change, but it's a nice thought so he nods an affirmative.

"Now go, don't miss your flight," Keito says letting go. 

Rei doesn't want to let go. But he does and is grabbed immediately by Ritsu for one last hug. "You're being silly and I'm flying you out for Christmas," Rei assures his brother, petting his hair.

"Spending it with Maakun," Ritsu mutters clinging harder.

"Then I'm flying him out too," Rei retorts disentangling himself.

And then he has to get into the taxi. He knows he shouldn't look back but he does. Undead are shoulder to shoulder and looking after Kanzaki, the Oddballs in a tangle, Ritsu is clinging to Isara and Tenshouin and Kiryu have an arm each around Keito. He's going to miss them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the epilogue isn't sad.  
> Twitter is open for yelling and feedback makes me super happy!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have plans tomorrow so it's a Wednesday upload and also the last one!

Keito puts down his pen. He needs to send the pages to his publisher for a once over before he makes any necessary revisions. He'll have to do it in the morning, it's getting late. 

He pulls out his phone and checks Instagram, it's the easiest way to keep up with the lives of his former classmates these days even though he used to be reluctant to even use a phone, besides he needs it for his work.

Eichi has put up a picture of himself holding a parrot, he's on a hiatus due to his health and been sent off to somewhere warm and sunny for rest and relaxation and Keito isn't sure that he's actually resting at all if the flood of pictures are to be believed, it isn't his problem anymore and somehow, miraculously, Eichi has made it to twenty-seven despite how often he ignores the doctors orders.

Leo has put up a throwback to Knights performing in England. He hits the link to Leo's profile and scrolls down to his favourite thing on there, it's a video captioned "brotherly love" from the same trip and shows Ritsu spraying Rei in the face with canned cream, though he loves hearing Rei's laughter he always zeroes in on the background where there's a frame hung on the wall containing a picture that is unmistakable to its artist, it's the one of Rei sat on the roof, Keito can't believe he's kept it all this time.

They've seen each other once since graduation, the year after when their juniors graduated, Rei had been piled on by so many people that Keito had only realised he was there from the enthusiastic babbling, he'd looked good, healthy, happy and they'd talked and he'd admitted that he'd been offered another year and Keito had been so pleased and so heartbroken all at once but Rei was just so happy he couldn't bear to bring anything up that might ruin that. 

He pulls his glasses down and rubs his eyes, one day maybe he won't think about it as often anymore.

There's a knock on the door that breaks him out of looping the video again.

"Come in," he says, gently covering his work with a clean sheet of paper and locking his phone.

"This came for you earlier but you were working," his brother explains handing Keito an envelope.

"Thank you," Keito says taking it and ignoring the flutter in his heart when he sees the postal stamp.

"Don't work too late," His brother says with a nod as he backs back out of the room.

Keito opens the envelope with shaking hands.

'Hasumi,

Do you remember when you said that Yumenosaki would want me eventually? Turns out you're right.

I'm coming home.

I land on the 23rd at 2am, if the offer hasn't changed, if you haven't realised that we were young and stupid.'

There's a big black scribble over the next part and then;

'You said I'd know where to find you. I hope I'm right. I'll either see you there or I won't. If not I'm staying with Ritsu, he has easy to find social media so you can message him, we could go for a drink.

Rei'

All Keito can focus on is three words 'I'm coming home'.

He stays up later than he should trying to write back but all he manages is to stuff a sheet of paper into an envelope that says; 'I'll see you there'.

 

It's nearly three in the morning and Keito is beginning to wonder if it was just a prank, though Rei's plane was delayed in landing and he's probably stuck in baggage claim but the more time passes the more nervous Keito feels.

And then he sees Rei coming through the gate. He doesn't look too different to how he did nine years ago though unmistakably older, his hair is a total mess and there's holes in the knees of his jeans and then he spots Keito and a grin spreads across his face. 

Keito's heart soars.

"I missed you!" Rei says as they close the distance between them. Then Rei drops all his things to the floor and sweeps him into a hug.

Keito wants to point out that maybe that's the done thing in England but it isn't here and people are going to stare but he gets caught up in the smell of cologne and how good it feels to be wrapped in Reis arms after all this time.

"I need Japanese copies of your manga!" Rei says as soon as he pulls away, "I have them all in English but Tsukinaga said that the translations aren't wonderful and I tried to get them shipped over but it was extortionate when you factored in third party buyers and shipping fees and customs."

"You're awfully awake," Keito grumbles as if he isn't used to Rei being awfully awake at ridiculous times of night.

"Oh..." Rei says grabbing his suitcase handle, "my body still thinks it's six in the evening."

Keito sighs and grabs Rei's hand luggage before he can take both.

"Wait! Keito I have something to show you," Rei stops and pulls out a smart phone.

Keito wants to ask when Rei caught up with modern technology but then the phone is thrust at him. It's a photo of three English people dressed in full costume.

"I found people cosplaying your main characters!" Rei sounds incredibly pleased with himself. "They were at the convention Knights performed at."

"You went to an anime convention?" Keito can't help but laugh. His heart swells at least four times in size because people like his series enough overseas to make costumes from it and Rei likes it enough to have recognised them and got a picture.

"I was only there one day to support my brother but it was worth it," Rei grins and points at a charm of one of the characters hanging off his phone. The one based on him. Narcissist. "He's really hard to track down and so expensive from resellers and Ritsu has horrible gacha luck so he couldn't get it but Sena picked up one blind box and there he was." 

As enchanting as Rei's enthusiasm is, and he's going to have to tell Eichi that his title as the number one fan is under threat, Keito does want to get home before the sun rises, "Sakuma, I know your body clock says it's early evening but mine says it's past three and I have to be up early for the post because my next chapter is due back from my editor, tell me on the way to the car."

Rei takes his phone back and grins. "Can I read it?"

"You're ten volumes behind unless you've been pirating, so no, you can't," Keito replies, turning and heading towards the doors.

"Hmm, true, I have to read it all in its original language and catch up before Tenshouin gets back." Rei muses following behind him.

"Why?" Keito asks. He had no idea the two of them were still in contact.

"Trivia contest," Rei explains with a wave of his hand as they cross the car park.

The world seems eerie and deserted, mist settling without the glow of the sun. Keito pulls the car keys out, unlocks it and tosses Rei's carry on into the boot. "I didn't know you were in contact."

Rei stops at the car and hefts his suitcase in, careful to not squash his bag. "We talk occasionally, he just celebrated his tenth anniversary with my best friend, I have to be civil at least."

It's been that long. It doesn't feel like it, Keito almost can't believe he was seventeen experiencing his first heartbreaks both at once ten years ago. The boot slamming shut shocks him off the train of thought.

"Keito?" Rei is right there. Close enough to touch if he reaches out. 

He wants to, it's been ten years, twelve, if you count back to first year on the roof with Rei warming his hands and him realising for the first time that he wants to kiss him, and yet he still does.

Rei takes a single step forward, "Can I..?"

Keito doesn't let Rei finish, closes the gap, and kisses him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you stuck with this until the end thank you so much!! Please let me know what you thought, I'll be super grateful!!
> 
> I'll probably be writing some companion shorts for this with other characters but I can't guarantee a time frame! 
> 
> Anyway I hope this was a satisfactory conclusion and thank you for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> You're welcome to come hmu on Twitter to tell me I'm awful and maybe also get sneak peaks when I'm excited or my gf is excited about bits of future chapters @dreamiinghours  
> Also I live for feedback ngl


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